Coping with pain after discard

My Truth: Dealing with the after effects of dating a sociopath. There were many times that my ex and I had suggested that he had some form of a mental issues. For a while I simply thought it was bipolar disorder, but little did I know it was much worse than I imagined. This article describes to a tee everything that I have experienced in our relationship and the uncomfortable truths I even realize after the fact… Pay attention to the signs!

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Old “Twenty-Something” Soul

Old “Twenty-Something” Soul

“Why don’t you act your age?”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that, I’d save up just enough for a round trip to California and back. Now for a college student, or even young person like me, that’s A LOT of money. Most of the time, this expression is used for those who seem to be pretty immature. As for me, its quite the opposite. I’ve always seemed to be the one that was “disconnected” from my generation; obsessed with the fads and fashion of the past, thinking and sometimes wishing that I was apart of theirs rather than my own. The shallowness of the media seems to swallow us whole from the reality that we live in. I, myself, seem to get caught up in the cliché sayings, and popular memes; instead of focusing on what’s right in front of me. It’s ridiculous.

When speaking to friends and peers, some always make an emphasis on how I act “too old” and should learn to “live in the moment”. It came to a point where I felt out of place, and somewhat ashamed of attaining the mindset that I have. I began to question myself, and asking why I couldn’t have that “younger” mindset. Then, I began to wonder, Since when did attaining wisdom at a young age become so unacceptable?

Since I could remember, I have always been trying to run away from the things that make up who I am. I also remember, hoping and praying that I would someday live my life with wisdom. I prayed that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes of my loved ones, that I wouldn’t live my life along with the crowd. Since a young age, I have lived a very tumultuous life. Although unfortunate, I’ve come to the realization that I cannot change my past. I cannot change my experiences, nor should I be ashamed of them. So instead of sulking on what could have been, or living in the after effects of my low, and rather abusive life, why not take those experiences and learn from them? Because with learning comes growth, and through growth comes, knowledge, and with knowledge we attain wisdom.

  “You can choose to look at the glass as half empty, or half full..” (Anon). 

     It’s easy for me to look at life pessimistically, I think its almost safe to say that a majority of people do. I have experienced those consuming downs, where you feel that there is no point in continuing to live; bored of the same patterns that the wearies of life bring you. But then I remember all of the obstacles I have overcame in my life, and realized that my “half-empty” thinking is not only doing a disservice where I’ve been, but also to where I am going.

    So forgive me if I am not amused with the prodigious and mind numbing ideas of “living in the moment” solely by sitting on social media all day, clubbing, and overtly consuming alcohol every weekend (hell, even every damn day).. And just to be clear, I am NOT saying that enjoying these things are wrong, but its important for them to be enjoyed with moderation. I’m also not EXCLUDING myself as if I don’t indulge in these a little too much. This is something that I myself struggle to work on improve daily.

     I believe the key to life is looking past the capitalist trap that society places on the younger generation, which places a veil over our eyes. Places a veil over the truth to success in life not just financially, but also mentally and emotionally. If knowing the truth, and doing my best to steer away from that makes me an “old soul”, then so be it. Because I would not trade my growing knowledge and wisdom, for ignorance and complacency. Being an old soul should not be looked at as losing the fullness that life has to offer, but a gain to live life to the fullest.



Writers Curse

Writers Curse

It’s hard to express what’s bothering you..

When you don’t want your soul to complain..

Sometimes I find it hard to breath..

Because I didn’t choose this life. 

My trials and tribulations chose me.

I’m tired of crying, asking why..

But these after effects are symptoms of a warrior..

It turns out that even the strong feel weak.

When this first began, I brought my sorrows to the alter 

Thinking if I looked to the heavens, the Lord would solve them.

But in the end, the same loneliness was what I felt..

I said to myself, it has to be something else..

I say to my inner self

Why can’t I just depend on myself?

I’m tired of feeling as though I need to run to people in order to feel healed and restored. 

Where is my own inner strengthening ?

Where was the joy that fueled my inspiration?

Who wants to live a life drowned in sorrow and desperation?

It was then that I realized my journey begins with self-love

But with the problems that arise its just so hard to comprehend

I think it could be because of my desire to strive for perfection.

But even through my efforts, its only caused an infection

Because there is no such thing as something that is perfect.

Even with all that’s portrayed in the TV screens and social media feeds..

When you look inspiration through everything but yourself, you show a disservice to your true colors..

So I will no longer try to seek my validation through others..

It’s time to figure out who I am for me, not always waiting for the skies above

Somehow I’ve lost sight of that

Figuring out my calling

Hoping that my dreams prevail..

But I know I’m not quite there yet,

My gift is still hidden in the veil.

Saying you’ll accomplish things is easier said then done 

But to be the person that gives up before they try,

I’ll no longer be that one

I have been blessed beyond measure

And I now realize it’s something I must treasure

Beautiful fighter

Beautiful fighter


She sat there many a thoughts on her mind

None greater then the next for each had to wait

Figuring out what to wear, who to call and what to do
Always looking at an invisible clock the moment her flower took bloom
Taking each day in stride, some bad some good

Smiling in the mirror ever so slightly

She thought why am I misunderstood

Glancing back one more time, her hand reaching for the door

Seeing the reflections of her youth ubiquitously around her yet her future self ever so present in the minds eye

Wiping the mascara from her face
An internal river always flowing

She realized the lies men tell are all the same yet she pushes on with far greater strength
Resiliency specially grafted into her DNA

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Stepping Stones

Stepping Stones

I’m not sure what you’re doing in my life, but I surely hope that it’s for a purpose..

I lie in this bed feeling hopeless, wondering where my life is headed..

Feeling lost, confused, unsure of what to do.

Overworking is not the answer..

Money comes and goes, flows right out of the pockets..

And material things do not suffice, this cannot be life..


Could it be the things I hold around me is holding me back to my full potential?

How do I know that the things I’m working so hard for are really the things that are essential?


I am floored by the pain, the anger and confusion that harbors within..

I’m just hoping and praying that in the end I will win..


I need a sign… but I already got it. I was given a plan to restore it

Instead of being hesitant and question its success

I should execute and allow my faith to handle the rest

You cannot succeed in the things that you don’t try..

And if I can’t utilize my passion with action, I’d rather die


So guide my thoughts and aspirations..

Allow my potential to translate to kinetic energy

Because all I want to be is the best version of me…

Forbidden Fruit

Forbidden Fruit

There must’ve been something my conscious was screaming when I first laid eyes on you..

It’s funny how they can tell the next steps to transpire before your mind can comprehend it..

I sit back in awe of you, the mystery in your eyes draws me closer to solve the puzzle of you..

I was able to see how intrigued you were of me which were the clues that I felt would crack my case..

However, that was my mistake.

Because nobody can ever fully know someone who doesn’t want to be revealed..  Only they can remove the veil and expose their nakedness for better or for worse..

But u didn’t do that with me. So with that I’ve failed.

Failed at what? See I was never yours to begin with so how could I think such foolishness.

Excuses I play over and over in my head to make the lies suffice in my head.–this pain will go away.

Things will work out. Isn’t that what love is all about?

What is love you say?

People have so many definitions and reminiscents of what it is to them. However, it’s never in the same context as the next.

Love through feeling is always wanting to be with that person.

Where exasperated bodily energy transmits to one another..

Releasing hormones of excitement, butterflies, and sexual tension occur; Even in the most smallest forms of life..

Love through logic, is taking control of the ride through emotion. Slowly releasing the endorphins and highs of being in love because they knows the feeling. And what it could do to them. So they slow themselves down in moderation..

So that they cannot logically get swept up in the feeling that love. Love. That’s what we were deeply in..

Let’s say that I, was the feeling that wanted to enjoy all the highs that it gave us while you were the logic..

Allowing us to enjoy in portions because you know how we could logically get swept up..

I would always fight you because of it..

Not because you were right. But because you were right all along..

Why I could never hate you?
Because even in the moments of hurt, I see pureness in your eyes..
You’re truly just someone trying to live life in stride
And for that I know things will be alright..
Why YOU Should Write Too 

Why YOU Should Write Too 


Calling all writers! And non-writers.

Everyone is always going on about how you should find yourself and know who you are (I myself believe that I am a few different kinds of people, depending on my mood. But that’s a story for another day).

A great way to know and understand yourself better is by writing. Writing can reveal truths about ourselves that we would never have discovered any other way.

The primary duty of literature is to tell us the truth about ourselves by telling us lies about people who never existed.

We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.

-Stephen King

It doesn’t matter what you write, who you show it to or what you do with your work. Isn’t it crazy? With just a pen and a blank piece of paper you can createworlds;you can make people laugh, you can make…

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