Old “Twenty-Something” Soul

Old “Twenty-Something” Soul

“Why don’t you act your age?”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that, I’d save up just enough for a round trip to California and back. Now for a college student, or even young person like me, that’s A LOT of money. Most of the time, this expression is used for those who seem to be pretty immature. As for me, its quite the opposite. I’ve always seemed to be the one that was “disconnected” from my generation; obsessed with the fads and fashion of the past, thinking and sometimes wishing that I was apart of theirs rather than my own. The shallowness of the media seems to swallow us whole from the reality that we live in. I, myself, seem to get caught up in the cliché sayings, and popular memes; instead of focusing on what’s right in front of me. It’s ridiculous.

When speaking to friends and peers, some always make an emphasis on how I act “too old” and should learn to “live in the moment”. It came to a point where I felt out of place, and somewhat ashamed of attaining the mindset that I have. I began to question myself, and asking why I couldn’t have that “younger” mindset. Then, I began to wonder, Since when did attaining wisdom at a young age become so unacceptable?

Since I could remember, I have always been trying to run away from the things that make up who I am. I also remember, hoping and praying that I would someday live my life with wisdom. I prayed that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes of my loved ones, that I wouldn’t live my life along with the crowd. Since a young age, I have lived a very tumultuous life. Although unfortunate, I’ve come to the realization that I cannot change my past. I cannot change my experiences, nor should I be ashamed of them. So instead of sulking on what could have been, or living in the after effects of my low, and rather abusive life, why not take those experiences and learn from them? Because with learning comes growth, and through growth comes, knowledge, and with knowledge we attain wisdom.

  “You can choose to look at the glass as half empty, or half full..” (Anon). 

     It’s easy for me to look at life pessimistically, I think its almost safe to say that a majority of people do. I have experienced those consuming downs, where you feel that there is no point in continuing to live; bored of the same patterns that the wearies of life bring you. But then I remember all of the obstacles I have overcame in my life, and realized that my “half-empty” thinking is not only doing a disservice where I’ve been, but also to where I am going.

    So forgive me if I am not amused with the prodigious and mind numbing ideas of “living in the moment” solely by sitting on social media all day, clubbing, and overtly consuming alcohol every weekend (hell, even every damn day).. And just to be clear, I am NOT saying that enjoying these things are wrong, but its important for them to be enjoyed with moderation. I’m also not EXCLUDING myself as if I don’t indulge in these a little too much. This is something that I myself struggle to work on improve daily.

     I believe the key to life is looking past the capitalist trap that society places on the younger generation, which places a veil over our eyes. Places a veil over the truth to success in life not just financially, but also mentally and emotionally. If knowing the truth, and doing my best to steer away from that makes me an “old soul”, then so be it. Because I would not trade my growing knowledge and wisdom, for ignorance and complacency. Being an old soul should not be looked at as losing the fullness that life has to offer, but a gain to live life to the fullest.

-BeePoetic

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Writers Curse

Writers Curse

It’s hard to express what’s bothering you..

When you don’t want your soul to complain..

Sometimes I find it hard to breath..

Because I didn’t choose this life. 

My trials and tribulations chose me.

I’m tired of crying, asking why..

But these after effects are symptoms of a warrior..

It turns out that even the strong feel weak.

When this first began, I brought my sorrows to the alter 

Thinking if I looked to the heavens, the Lord would solve them.

But in the end, the same loneliness was what I felt..

I said to myself, it has to be something else..

I say to my inner self

Why can’t I just depend on myself?

I’m tired of feeling as though I need to run to people in order to feel healed and restored. 

Where is my own inner strengthening ?

Where was the joy that fueled my inspiration?

Who wants to live a life drowned in sorrow and desperation?

It was then that I realized my journey begins with self-love

But with the problems that arise its just so hard to comprehend

I think it could be because of my desire to strive for perfection.

But even through my efforts, its only caused an infection

Because there is no such thing as something that is perfect.

Even with all that’s portrayed in the TV screens and social media feeds..

When you look inspiration through everything but yourself, you show a disservice to your true colors..

So I will no longer try to seek my validation through others..

It’s time to figure out who I am for me, not always waiting for the skies above

Somehow I’ve lost sight of that

Figuring out my calling

Hoping that my dreams prevail..

But I know I’m not quite there yet,

My gift is still hidden in the veil.

Saying you’ll accomplish things is easier said then done 

But to be the person that gives up before they try,

I’ll no longer be that one

I have been blessed beyond measure

And I now realize it’s something I must treasure

Stepping Stones

Stepping Stones

I’m not sure what you’re doing in my life, but I surely hope that it’s for a purpose..

I lie in this bed feeling hopeless, wondering where my life is headed..

Feeling lost, confused, unsure of what to do.

Overworking is not the answer..

Money comes and goes, flows right out of the pockets..

And material things do not suffice, this cannot be life..

 

Could it be the things I hold around me is holding me back to my full potential?

How do I know that the things I’m working so hard for are really the things that are essential?

 

I am floored by the pain, the anger and confusion that harbors within..

I’m just hoping and praying that in the end I will win..

 

I need a sign… but I already got it. I was given a plan to restore it

Instead of being hesitant and question its success

I should execute and allow my faith to handle the rest

You cannot succeed in the things that you don’t try..

And if I can’t utilize my passion with action, I’d rather die

 

So guide my thoughts and aspirations..

Allow my potential to translate to kinetic energy

Because all I want to be is the best version of me…

Anger

Anger

You once had your chance, but not anymore..

No more negative thoughts, the cost that I’ve paid indulging in the bitterness that has rather become painfully intimate..

I sulk day and night about what you’ve done to me..

My pillows sulk up the salty tears night after night..

I stay up praying; asking God for someone, anyone, to set me free from this pain..

but you told me that someone was no one, and I had to stay

You continue to nudge and prod my emotions where grudges became second nature.. It evolved into a spirit that would eventually overtake me. I allowed it to become embedded into my dreams..

Now I see how my resentment has clouded judgement..

“Only a fool vents in his anger!”.. those words sit quietly in my subconscious ..

But it feels SO good to let it out! However, I’m reminded it is within silence that speaks the loudest..

So continue to pierce me with sword of trials and tribulations.. it makes sense to build me up to become stronger to my adjacent

And I will make it to the finish line.. Conquering the anger and setbacks in life.. and take it all in stride

01/03/2010